As I work my way through Tiger & Fox: Blacksnake, I realize just how amateur T&F: FORCE is. Even though the copy I have up is complete, as far as it goes, it seriously lacks personality. In all honesty, the only character with a personality in the whole thing is Antoinette herself. Why?
Tracker has a backstory; one that gets covered fairly well as the story rolls along, but it’s almost all tell, no show. Why is he like he is? Why is he so aloof? Why is he so afraid of humans. Well, maybe the General is a big part of it. After all, Tracker was taken at the age of four to become a pawn in the General’s game of interstellar politics and world domination. Oh, yes; he truly believes he can use an alien empire to gain control of Earth. But can he really do it? Will the tool he creates be up to the task?
Tiger & Fox: FORCE, as it’s currently uploaded, says ‘No.’ The real problem is, anybody trained for 15 to 16 years to be the best possible at what he does just isn’t going to act so juvenile all the time. Yes, his relationship with Antoinette may go essentially the same; after all, he wasn’t trained to be a Lover, was he? But the rest of it?
What if Walter is right? What if Tracker’s real purpose is something else entirely? The story really needs to go through something more than just a revision–it needs a total rewrite. And this means that I’m going to be writing in the same manner I read: three and even four separate books simultaneously–and trying to keep them all from encroaching on each other as I do.
I still have to thank the ‘editor’ at http://webfictionguide.com/ for the review they gave the existing version. The revision I began was triggered by their blunt and honest commentary. It’s just taken me this long to realize that it’s not just the storytelling that’s at fault, it’s the way the story is told, too. I only hope the next rewrite comes out a lot better than this last one did.
David Fields
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Some valid points, I suppose. I certainly will look forward to how you handle the rewrite. A long time ago, I tried writing a novel-length tale. I made several critical errors early on, such as tying it in too closely to a certain fansite’s locations, and using at least tangentally some locations and characters from the books by the author who the fansite followed. And then I found that the code name I had clhosen for the female lead had already been used for a print comic book character that I had never heard of, but from a major publisher. *sighs* I tried a rewrite, but it made it a completely different story, and I lost heart. I hope your effort goes better. I think you do have some solid and unique material to work with, in the characters you have so far and the set-up for FORCE, the Defenders, and some of the nemisis groups like Castile, Cartel and Blacksnake. If you stay on target, you should do fine. (I’ll e-mail you a link you the story I mentioned. I’d rather not derail your forums by posting a link here to a story I am unlikely to ever revise.)
Fan fiction is normally not that much an issue; at least, not today. Of course, that assumes you don’t intend to try to publish it commercially. While I grant the character’s name might have been the same as an already-published character, but if they’re fundamentally different, can there really be confusion? Think about it: How many characters in comics or other media have carried the name or title of “Hunter?” Well, I remember a TV detective. I remember a ’somewhat’ neutral semi-villain called the “Huntsman,” I seem to remember the title of Hunter used in many different stories, sometimes as a rank in a medieval setting, you already know about the surname Hunter, an outgrowth of some family ancestor being a royal Hunter to feed the royal family, etc. In your case, unless the character was simply too much like the already-published one, there shouldn’t have been an issue.
You mention my nemesis groups, and yes, I at least tried to make sure their names weren’t as common as they could be, but the Defenders could encroach on at least two if not many more comic book groups of so-called superheros. Where would I get off on using a name like the Defenders in a novel without confusing the huge comic book audience? Well, for one thing, I’m not entitling the book “The Defenders.” I’m following two specific individuals in an original world whose association with a specific federal office is legally sanctioned (within that world.) Unless I somehow copied members of one of the many different comic book teams pretty much member for member and personality for personality, I really can’t see any conflict. Maybe I’m wrong. Since I’m trying to get these stories commercially published, I’ll find out sooner or later if I’ve encroached on somebody else’s copyright. If I have, they’d better have pretty good proof. They might have encroached on mine instead. I have a paper trail that goes back quite a ways.
For your own story, I look forward to reading it. One thing I’ve learned since I started writing as that you don’t stop. If you really want to tell your tale, don’t let anything stop you. I’ve seen your artwork, both hand-drawn and CGI and like it all. You’ve proven your skills and have demonstrated increasing proficiency and talent within that method of creation. I’ve also seen some of your role-play characters and have seen the work you put into it for backstory and personality. You have no reason to get depressed. You have talent. You have skill.
Do what you enjoy. (As long as it harms no one, that is.)
Vulpine’s last blog post..Rewrite — Revise